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The love of that precious life of Christ Jesus in me, constrains me (as
the light thereof arises) to declare to all people, and to generations
to come, how the innocent, just, and holy life came to suffer in me, and
be betrayed, and I to lose the light thereof, so far as to be taken
captive again under the power of darkness, sin and death, from which
that life had once set me free, and born me in itself for some years,
above all the craft, subtlety and power of satan, that old deceiver and
tempter of mankind, who ceases not to take every occasion that pure life
to devour, and so take the creature captive again, who with that
precious Life has once been ransomed, as once I had been by the living
virtue thereof; for out of kindreds and estate, and all visible
relations had He once called me, and set me free; and had broken all my
bonds as to all earthly things, which were strong and many, and redeemed
me from all my sins past, and with His precious blood had He sprinkled
my conscience (before God) as though I had never sinned in His sight,
anointing me with the oil of deliverance and peace towards God and man;
and sent me forth in the same bowels to call lost and strayed souls to
the same everlasting light, therein to wait for the appearance of the
same purifying life and power in themselves, therewith to be gathered to
the pure God, to whom the children of darkness and wicked workers cannot
come, till with the word of life they be cleansed and made new after
Himself, in whom is no iniquity.
And in this His work, by Him was I preserved against all enmity, born
in all afflictions, and fed above all wants within and without, though
sent into a strange country without money, bag or scrip, and among a
strange people that knew not God, in the North Parts of this English
Nation; and I may truly say, as a sheep among wolves I was wherever I
came; yet had none power to touch me further than what should make for
His glory in whom I lived, and the advantage of that work I was about,
which He daily turned to my exceeding joy and great reward; and His
living Presence did ever furnish me with renewed strength against all
contrary spirits, and the power thereof, and in Him I had judgment and
power over them, wherever they withstood His pure work.
And in this same life and dominion did He bring me up into this great
City London, into which I entered with the greatest fear that ever into
any place I came, in Spirit foreseeing somewhat to befall me therein,
but not knowing what it might be; yet had I the same Presence and power
as before; into whatsoever place or service I was led of the Spirit, in
that life I never returned without victory in Christ Jesus, the Lord
thereof.
But not minding in all things to stand single and low to the motions
of that endless Life, by it to be led in all things, within and without;
but giving way to the reasoning part, as to some things which in
themselves had no seeming evil, by little and little drew out my mind
after trifles, vanities, and persons which took the affectionate part,
by which my mind was drawn from the constant watch, and pure fear, into
which I was once begotten, and spiritual adultery was committed against
the precious pure Life which had purchased me unto Himself alone, and is
grieved with the least departure from Him in body, spirit or mind, even
that eternal, pure and zealous Spirit from above, had drawn me near into
Himself, and that pure Word was become my life, who said; He that
does but look upon a woman to lust, commits adultery; and in whose
sight the least coveting, or letting any visible object into the
affections is idolatry: Into that life I was comprehended, and the apple
of that pure eye was opened in me, which admits not of an evil thought;
but is wounded and bruised with the least appearance of evil, even this
birth was born which reigns through righteousness, and suffers till all
righteousness be fulfilled in every particular. And this is the Son of
God forever, and into this life and kingdom I was translated; and I was
in Him that is true, in whom there is no sin; and He alone lived and
ruled in this His temple, which to Himself He had purchased with His
precious blood, and His delight was in me, and His presence was
glorious, and not the least evil could appear, but I could feel Him in
Spirit lifting up His Witness against it.
But when I reasoned against His tender reproof, and consulted with
another, and so let the creatures into my affections, then His temple
was defiled through lust, and His pure Spirit was grieved, and he ceased
to reprove, and He gave me up, and His light He withdrew and His
judgment took away; and so the body of sin and death revived again, and
I possessed afresh the iniquities of my youth, and that which had of old
been buried, arose and stood against me, and so the temple was filled
with darkness and the power of death, and my heart with sorrow, and
satan daily at my right hand to tempt me further to provoke the Lord,
and to take away my life.
Thus having in a great measure lost my own Guide, and darkness being
come upon me, I sought a place where I might have been alone, to weep
and cry before the Lord, that His face I might find, and my condition
recover: But then my adversary who had long waited his opportunity, had
got in, and bestirred himself every way, so that I could not be hid, and
diverse messages came to me in that case, some true, some false (as I
have seen since). So I knowing some to be true, to wit, how I had lost
my condition, with this I let in the false message also; and so letting
go that little of the true light which I had yet remaining in myself, I
gave up myself wholly to be led by others, whose work was then wholly to
divide me from the children of light; which was done, though much was
done by diverse of them to prevent it, and in bowels of tender love many
labored to have stayed me with them. And after I was led out from them,
the Lord God of my life sent diverse of His servants with His word after
me, for my return: all which was rejected; yea, the provocations of that
time of temptation was exceeding great against the pure love of God, yet
He left me not; for after I had given myself under that power, and
darkness was above, my adversary so prevailed, that all things were
turned and perverted against my right seeing, hearing or understanding,
only a secret hope and faith I had in my God, whom I had served, that He
would bring me through it, and to the end of it; and that I should see
again the day of my redemption from under it all: And this quieted my
soul in my greatest tribulation.
Thus was I led out from among the children of light and into the
world, to be a sign, where I was chased as a wandering bird gone from
her nest, so was my soul daily and my body from one prison to another,
till at length I was brought in their own way before a backsliding power
to be judged, who had lost their first love, as I had done; So they
sentenced me, but could not see their sign, and a sign to the nation,
and a sign to the world of the dreadful day of the just God, who is come
and coming to avenge for that pure Life, where it is transgressed, and
to plead the cause of that precious Seed wherever it is oppressed and
suffers under the fleshly lusts of this present world, and the cup is
deep and very dreadful that is seen and filling, and it has begun at
God's house, but many must drink it, except there be speedy repentance.
And in this time of my darkness and night of great temptation (which
darkness I had let up over my head, and my judgment being much lost)
there got up many wild spirits, Ranters, and such like, acting many evil
things against the life of truth and name of Christ, His light and
people that walk therein, on purpose to bring reproach thereon, and set
themselves to break and disquiet the meetings of the people of God, and
made use of my name therein, and others rejoiced thereat, and cried, Thus
would we have it, they are divided among themselves; this is that we
looked for &c. Others came to me in that time in true pity, and
in sorrow of heart suffered with me for all that was befallen me, and
that precious truth I had walked in.
Thus became I an occasion to make sad the innocent and harmless
people, whose hearts were tender, and to make glad the man that delights
in mischief, and such as rejoice in iniquity, and to gratify many
unclean spirits: which things the pure God hates, and my soul hates, and
all that name that God had formerly given me in His house, and that
power, the wicked one made use on against the Lord, and His Lambs, and
His truth, wherein I had received that name and power. Thus I abused my
power and knew not, by coming under him who seeks to pervert the right
ways of God, and His truth to turn into a lie, wherever he gets above,
whom the Lord had once trodden under my feet and all his instruments.
And over the head of all this was I kept by His power, while singly I
stood in His pure counsel, and humbly walked in His daily fear: the loss
whereof was of myself. And this to His eternal glory I confess forever.
So that precious life of Christ Jesus I confess openly, which I had
openly sinned against, which life is the light of the world, and all the
good that is in man is from the virtue thereof; which whosoever goes
from to feed elsewhere, forsakes their own mercies, and to this must
return, and confess again, if ever they come to true peace in God: For
this is the Peacemaker and the Christ of God, and the Lamb that takes
away sin, and reconciles to the Father of spirits, and that Spirit that
quickens the dead, of whom I testify forever, and Him I confess in the
night and in the day before God and before men, who under all has been
my help and Savior, immortal praises forever.
And he that has this precious Life has the Son of the eternal God and
eternal life; and with all that receive Him as King and Leader, with
such the Father is well-pleased, because He alone it is that leads in
all holy ways, and out of all show of lust and uncleanness, and teaches
to avoid every appearance of evil within and without; Therefore the pure
God loves Him above all in heaven and earth, and had placed His fullness
in Him, from whom the living of all ages are to be fed, and whatever
good gift any creature receives from God the Father, it is in this pure
Life and for the sake of this unspotted Seed; and that He alone (that
Spirit) may be exalted in all and above all, not flesh which is grass,
whose glory turns into dust. If this life withdraw its virtue, then all
his wisdom is shame and folly, who goes out from this light and counsel:
For this life is He, which being disobeyed in man's fall; and His Spirit
being grieved, is God's wrath upon every creature, but in His favor is
length of days and eternal glory; and both these I have learned in the
day and in the night: So I give all glory to the life forevermore, and
to Him it is due, and all the evil has been from self.
This life is the root and offspring of all heavenly fruit upon earth,
and in whom this is planted, as it grows it will bring forth truth and
righteousness towards God and man, and the virtue that rises with it
will fill the creature with springs of heavenly life and heavenly power,
it will cover you with health of salvation, and stay you with immortal
strength; He will guide you with counsel of life, and open your mouth in
that wisdom which none shall confound; yea, all the treasures of wisdom
and knowledge are in Him, and the richest excellency that ever appeared
in the flesh in Him is sealed; For all generations that receive Him in
their faith and obedience, and as He arises in is temples, He gives
forth of His riches, gifts to adorn His habitation, and to cover it with
His light and glory.
But this is the evil in His sight, and that which provokes His pure
Spirit, that vain man, in whom He thus delights, should be exalted in
himself, because of the gifts, and glory in his strength and wisdom, and
so grow wanton against the Life, from whence he has it; And so through
feeding on the gifts, ceases to walk humbly with the Giver in his own
vessel. Here man forgets his God, and so withers at the root, and be the
tree never so great it will fall in the end, and great will be the fall
thereof.
And this is that God against whom I have sinned, and my offence I
confess to the Root that bore me, who raises up the meek and lowly, and
casts down him that boasts above the Root, who does what He will in the
heavens, and rules in the kingdoms of men, the Lord of Hosts is His
name, and He is worthy; yea, and will be feared: Even so be it
forevermore.
And whatever of that worship or honor has any way by any creature
been given or received to my person, which belongs to that eternal
Spirit, forever by me it is denied and condemned as idolatry; and
whatever creature I have at any time gone out to, from this pure Spirit,
and let into my affections, or whatever I have taken counsel of without
this Life and against it, it is forever condemned as adultery in my
heart, and so I have found it in His pure Spirit, to whom I confess for
my God and Savior in all my troubles.
In whomsoever this pure eternal Spirit of Life throughout the world
has been troubled or offended, in man or woman, through my fall, or the
advantage which the adversary got against my soul, God's truth and His
people, to that in all I acknowledge my offence. Against Thee have I
sinned who was with me in the deep, and in so many tender hearts for my
recovery and salvation, which is one in all, forever confessed too, and
the occasion of the grief thereof forever condemned in the Presence of
God, His host and people.
But against him that sought my life in that day, and rejoiced at that
occasion, have I requited no evil in my heart, neither have I opened my
mouth before the Lord, that the evil day should haste, who rejoiced at
my fall, and was glad at that advantage, to pursue my soul into the pit,
that I might never be seen in the light more, nor have appeared in the
assemblies of them which God has sanctified on the earth: But in the
bowels of Him that has born me through all adversity, I have been kept
towards them, and I know it is the Spirit of Christ Jesus which thinks
not evil for evil. And when all visible help was removed afar off, and I
in the depth of the pit, then this was with me and in me before God,
which often appeared when all else was gone, and many a time stayed my
soul in secret, that it sunk not under the accuser; and the weight of
his temptations when I was alone from any creature. And now seeing that
the loving-kindness of the Lord has outlived all this enmity, and the
long-suffering of Christ Jesus has born to the end thereof, and that
endless life has ministered freedom for me, thereto be glory and praise
forevermore.
And to God the Father of all be thanks forever, who is begetting His
creatures into that one pure Life, and with the cords thereof as bound
up as in one bundle so many at this day, who in His living Spirit and
power are made at the needful time to stand before Him, with cries and
prayers one for another, which He has heard and does hear, even as he
has begotten thereto in every creature, the answer whereof makes me glad
at this day, praises to God everlasting.
And to the glory of this precious Life is this sent forth, that all
that have sinned against Him may have hope in Him and return, whose
judgments are right and His mercy endures forever, and that all who have
made their graves deep through disobedience, and their darkness through
lust, might awake and confess to the Lord of life, and come forth, who
quickens the dead, at His Word the blind He makes to see, and has called
to the great deeps, that His praises may live forever.
And that all you in whom any measure of this precious Life has been
betrayed, either through this or any other thing, that to the light
thereof you may return in yourselves, and there wait till the Life
arise, which is your return, and which must give you rest with the flock
of God; for it's the Life that's the door and the fold, and without it
you will be but wanderers, and lost in all your thoughts and motions,
and God will cross you and curse you for its sake, and plead against you
till you return, if He cast you not off for often rebellion, from which
the Lord keep you. And take heed of evil thoughts to which you will be
tempted, you that are gone out from the true light, or an evil eye going
out of your own hearts against the truth you were once called into, or
them that walk in it, to spy faults in others and feed thereon; this
food will but strengthen the enmity in you against you and your return,
and with this you may make bonds which you cannot break when you would,
and your evil thoughts are as witchcraft to the pure Life, and as a
canker, will eat till it have devoured all that remains in you, to lead
you to repentance, that not so much as the place thereof you will find
in the end. And this I am moved to warn you of, having been often
tempted therewith, that the Life of peace and truth may only live and
guide in you in all, without which there can be no true unity with God
or His people, which is that the devil chiefly hates and withstands in
all in whom he can prevail.
Thus having drunken a measure of that depth which cannot be measured,
I cannot but confess thereto, and declare thereof to His praise, who
above all excels in judgment and mercy, to every particular creature in
their several states and conditions, that all might hear and take heed
to abide in Him, whose offspring they are, who has His way in the deeps,
and makes darkness as light before Him: He turns man to destruction for
his disobedience, and the light of His Word is salvation, and His Life
the resurrection out of the greatest depth; who has saved my soul from
death thus far, and lifted my feet out of the pit, even to Him be
immortal glory forever; and let every troubled soul trust in Him, for
His mercy endures forever.
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